Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
