Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
