You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Panties = found
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
