Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
