Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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