I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
