Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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