nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
