a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
