I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
