Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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