So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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