haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
