People in love make me want to vomit
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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