my mouth tastes like poor choices
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Hippo gnu deer
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
