I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
