time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
