running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
