I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
