the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
