thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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