he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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