i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
