Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
