Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
