Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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