I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
