dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
