Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
