Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
