i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
