i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
