What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
