but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Randomize
