My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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