Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
