i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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