i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
