youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
