Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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