so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
