Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
