i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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