On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
