she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
