Christians are straight up FREAKS
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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