I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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