She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
