i always forget guys have bellybuttons
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
