i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
