My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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